Accountability

I have very little self-discipline.

Plain and simple.

That's why I'm starting this blog. I have trouble holding myself accountable for things such as weight loss. The first five pounds I'm always enthusiastic and strict about. Then everything falls to the wayside. Since this is something I'm fully aware of, I decided to find another way to make myself be held accountable. And here I am.

I was inspired today by another blogger who was documenting her experience with weight loss after having a baby. Unfortunately I don't have a good reason for gaining weight. I moved to the U.S. from Germany, put on 20 something pounds and voila. Even in Germany I was not thrilled with my weight. I weighed 145 at 5'5 when I left. I've hit as high as 167 since then. I plan to post pics and document my weight loss journey not only to hold me accountable but to keep me motivated as well. Motivation is another area I struggle in when it comes to weight loss.

I eat for the wrong reasons and I eat the wrong foods. I've discovered I'm a very emotional eater. I also reward myself with food. I'm not obese or grotesque. But I'm just not the girl I'd like to be. Everytime I see a picture of myself or try on clothes at a store, I'm very confused. You see, in my head, I'm a skinny girl. I was always a skinny girl. Then one day, I ballooned up. I blame it on lack of exercise and more junk foods, mostly. Oh yeah and lack of accountability.

I tried to start running earlier this year and I kept up with it for about 3 weeks. Yeah, that was successful. I should mention I hate running. Which is why I made myself do it. I also went to a women's boot camp last summer for a month. I was very successful in converting fat to muscle, but I didn't "lose weight" so to speak. I converted 5 pounds of fat into 5 pounds of muscle. So I was leaner, but the scale stayed the same. The instructor insisted that this was progress. And to an extent I suppose it was. But it wasn't enough for me.

In many aspects of my life, I consider myself to be a perfectionist. When it comes to my body, not so much. I guess you could call me an aspiring perfectionist. Or delusional. Whichever works.

So starting tomorrow morning, I will begin posting pics of my weight, foods I eat, exercise, and my body. My goal is not only to lose weight, but be healthy! Haha, yeah right. I just want to be a skinny bitch who looks great, to be honest with you. I feel great right now. I've had my cholesterol, blood pressure, etc, measured already and I AM healthy. Just have a BMI of 27 and some extra flab.

I thank you for reading this and look forward to any comments or words of encouragement you may have.